Confidence? Arrogance?

Brave? Ballsy? Inspiration? How do you describe a person who decides to do something for someone else that they've never done for their self? I've heard these as well as other adjectives to describe what I'm doing with the upcoming Ironman. No, I haven't done an Ironman before; yes there will be someone depending on me to be able to complete the 140.6 mile trek; yes he is aware of the circumstances as well. If I had to come up with the adjective that I thought best describes the next 10 month's adventure, I'd say it would be accountability. I can honestly say that I have not reached my potential as a runner or triathlete; and I am 100% certain that that is my own fault. I have never made myself 100% accountable for my training. I have always done a 'good job' training. I feel I've been prepared for all the races I've done but I've never set myself up to be the best marathoner or triathlete that I can be. Now, I don't have a choice. I knew in my heart that I would put forth my best training and dedication if I wasn't doing it for myself. Why do so many runners fund raise??? Accountability. No one wants to put their self out there for a cause and then fall on their face in failure. Is there pressure? Hell yeah there's pressure, but it's not pressure to do something I can't do. I haven't volunteered to do something that I am not capable of doing because I have learned that I am the only thing holding me back. I have not qualified for the Boston Marathon because of what's between my ears; when it's cold and the sun isn't up yet and my alarm goes off, I can hit snooze and 'justify' it to myself; but for the next 10 months I don't have that luxury. But it's not pressure, it's peace of mind. Peace of mind in knowing that I am able. Peace of mind in knowing that I will not hold myself back. Peace of mind that athletes like Rod (blind - multiple marathons and a half Ironman) and Kathy (visually impaired - marathon and multiple half marathons) complete, show that it isn't right for someone like me to have low expectations of those with disabilities. Peace of mind knowing that when everything is said and done and it's the end of the race Sunday September 9th, 2012 and I cross that finish line, that those that don't know me, those that don't read this blog, those who aren't my Facebook friends, they won't know who I am, they will see the person that's inspiring me to do all of this and they will only know that I was accountable.

My Run Around: CAN'T

My Run Around: CAN'T: CAN you?

CAN'T

You try explaining to this kid the definition of 'CAN'T'. I CAN'T take credit for finding this picture but since I saw it I CAN'T stop thinking about it. There's so many emotions and thoughts that fill my mind when I picture this boy with a smile of pure joy, enjoying something so simple yet so important to him. I used to work for a guy that was full of one-liners and fortune-cookie wisdom, but he did have one saying that stuck with me, he would say; "When you question whether you CAN do something like "CAN I run a mile, or CAN I walk to the street corner" simply add HOW to the beginning of the statement; HOW CAN I do something I thought was once impossible for me? This young boy is the definition of HOW and doesn't know CAN'T.

Some things just make sense

For those of you not familiar with the registration process for Ironman Wisconsin it goes something like this: Saturday prior to race-day Sunday all Ironman participants for this year’s race can register for next year's. Sunday the race takes place: 7 am – 12 am. Monday at 9 am the doors open for all volunteers to stand in line and register for next year’s race. Another line forms for those who weren’t volunteers but hope to register for next year’s race. Assuming there are places left after those three registration types, online registration for anyone else becomes available.

I decided I would register for 2012 Ironman last week. I volunteered Sunday on the bike portion of the race that went through Verona, worked about 5 hours setting up and passing out water bottles to competitors as they raced through town. Monday I dropped Mason off at school and drove down town to stand in line at the Monona Terrace in hopes that there’d be a spot for me. I got in, I registered. Then I waited. . .

Working at a running store provides you the opportunity to meet various people. One person in particular caught my interest. She works with the local branch of Achilles International. They have a great mission statement: “Our mission is to enable people with all types of disabilities to participate in mainstream athletics in order to promote personal achievement, enhance self esteem, and lower barriers to living a fulfilling life.” In conversation with this individual I started to inquire about how I could help. I was given an email for a local woman who likes to run; I’ll call her “Katie”. Katie’s run 5k’s, half-marathons and triathlons. Katie is blind, so for any triathlon, half-marathon or jog around the block she needs a guide. There are things in life I’ve taken for granted and there are things I’ve never considered; being a visually impaired or blind person and loving running is a situation that never crossed my mind. I’ve had injuries that prevented me from training, cold mornings where I didn’t want to get out of bed, but never had I considered needing someone else to be there if I wanted to go run a couple miles. Through corresponding with Katie we discussed a friend of hers that I saw at the Door County Half Iron, who’s blind. On Friday night of last week Katie gave me his phone number.

Saturday I had my first conversation with “Rob”, who wants to do Ironman. Monday Rob’s daughter was waiting for 12:00 to try and register her dad for Ironman. 12:30 my phone rang, it was Rob, minutes later I’m emailing the coordinators of Ironman to open up my confirmed reserved spot so I could be Rob’s guide.

My point isn’t to brag, or say that what I’m doing is great or better than doing the race alone, it’s because it made sense. To me races aren’t about the hard-ware you get for finishing or the goody-bag you get when you register, it’s about the feelings you have when you see the finish line coming, to know that you will finish, the thoughts that rush to your mind, the memories, the people, everything in to a few great moments and then that feeling of finishing. You can’t lose those feelings like a tee shirt, those moments don’t ever get scuffed or broken like a medal. I feel that crossing the line with Rob will have a bigger impact on me than crossing it by myself; that’s something that can’t be lost or taken, that’s what I’m dedicating the next 12 months to.

Dedicate yourself to something where the only gain you have is in your mind and in your heart.

Pay it forward. . .

Sometimes injuries happen, sometimes you get a little knocked down. Those issues come and go but the timing usually sucks. I'm nursing my own nagging injury, the triathlon was two weeks ago today, my foot feels better so I decided to give it a try, unfortunately it was only good enough to get me from my normal starting spot to the next driveway. It sucks, not because I have a race I'm preparing for, but because I was preparing for someone else's race.

If you're new or unfamiliar with marathons and half marathons, there's an unheralded group that you may not know even existed. Pacers. There are people who instead of signing up for races for their own accomplishment they choose to be responsible for others', which to me means more. Pacers have one job, to cross the finish the line at an assigned time. People volunteer for these positions, their responsibility is finishing the race at the exact time they signed up for. Why do pacers exists? So other runners can just concentrate on running and not worry about how fast or how far, just run. Some runners use pacers so they can PR, some use them to try and push themselves faster than they've ever gone, some use them because they don't know. Whatever the reason, it's the pacer's job to reward those that stay with them, that gut it out and push themselves. The pacers are quite recognizable at races normally wearing neon shirts and holding a stick that has a number on top of it. It's not just a number, it's a time, it's someone elses' goal time. There are plenty of opportunities to meet these pacers: 1. at the packet pick up at the Madison Mini Marathon, 2. before and during the race and 3. after the race. I encourage all of you to thank these pacers, you can read about them here.

My names on the list but I probably won't be there. I'm most frustrated that I won't be able to pay it forward this race. The more races I run the more I realize that I'm not thinking about me when I cross the finish line. I see my family and friends smiling, cheering, enjoying the moment. As I approach the finish line my thoughts and feelings race, emotions fill my heart and I get choked up. The race was a time to reflect and think, think about the things I thought about hundreds of times on training runs, but those thoughts meant more during the race. It was my intention to give that opportunity to someone else at the Madison Mini Marathon. But what I can be most proud of; the fact that last year I ran this race with a friend, it was his first half marathon. . . his names on the list too, he'll be there.

Finisher

For a hack runner like myself approaching the finish line is always the most welcome and exciting feeling of the entire race. Above, I'm coming down a hill to the entrance chute of the finish line, I'm about 300 yards from the end of a Half Iron Triathlon. It's the only part of the race that I remember what I was thinking, almost in a "what were you doing when. . . " moment. I was fixated gingerly running down the steep hill because my right foot was hurting and every time I applied pressure towards the front of my foot it felt as if a nail was being driven through the ball of my foot. I made the decision as soon as the run portion started to never walk (except the ridiculous hills). Not long after the picture was taken I saw my family: wife, kids, mom and dad; that's when my mind really went ablaze. I started raising my hands and clapping my way down the remainder of the hill and on to the flat. The pain went away in my foot as I began getting choked up thinking of how happy I was to be finishing as strongly as I did. I thought about my grandfather and Grandpa's Marathon, seeing the turkeys and attending his funeral. I thought about the Daddy Hug's Hustle and pushing my daughter around on a hot windy day when she fell asleep. I thought about close friends who suffered and are still suffering. I thought about my wife and kids and all their support through the race and the race year. Tears filled my eyes and my throat closed as I entered the finish chute. In racing this is one of the most exciting places to be, in Door County it was a 50 yard long gated off runway with bleachers lining the left side. A large metal gate awaits decorated with Door County Triathlon across the top. I continued clapping and raising my arms to the cheers of the crowd, adults and children lined the fence to the left and children excitedly reached their hands out to receive 'high fives' from willing competitors. I left no hand un-high fived as these people who have never met me shared in my excitement to finish. As I approached the finish line I could see that my dad had positioned himself as the last person on the fence prior to the finish line. He was holding a video camera that captured these final moments of the race with his other hand offering the last high five of the race.

Racing is a an incredible feeling second to seeing your family cheering you on and finishing.

What's the difference between me and you?

Was I born with some special Mexican blood that makes me able to run mile after mile? Was I blessed with athletic abilities beyond your wildest dreams? Truth is I'm the same. I'm no better, worse or gifted than any of you. But I had to make a choice. I had to take the first step and believed that I could follow it with another and another and another.

If someone says it can't be done, go out and do it. Don't let people's fears or roadblocks be yours; they don't apply to you. Go out and find your own limits, set your own boundaries and do it for yourself. Yes your health is important, yes looking good for your partner is important but if you can't sit back and enjoy your accomplishments then you're wasting your time. I love races because I love hearing people cheer for me. I love the fact I get a medal. I've never won state in a high school sport, I don't know what it's like to win a Big Ten Championship, but I know what it's like to round the corner from West Washington to the Capitol Square to a cheering crowd. I know what it's like to cross the finish line; no one can take that away from me. No one can take what it feels like to have people tell you that you've inspired them.

A week from today I hope to be celebrating completing something I never thought possible; I'm competing in a half ironman triathlon. That doesn't make me special, the 500 miles I've run this year don't make me special, being around thousands of other people that decided that they weren't bound by other peoples' limits, that's special.